Turn Back Now (a spinoff)

Procrastination

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 16:52:25 GMT

I can't make myself reply to emails and take care of other issues I've flagged for followup. Why? Why can I not do this? I've got a million people to get back, both personal and work-related.

I.

Can't.

Do.

It.

Also, damn you online boggle. Damn you to hell.

Well, that's certainly one way of handling things.

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 15:48:49 GMT

From today's USA Today Op Ed re: the Northern Illinois University shooting:

I love that the title of this is "Become a 'hero' by reporting bullying, curious behavior."

Bugging out.

Fri, 22 Jun 2007 18:25:05 GMT

Okay, okay, sorry, bad pun. But it's time for another cockroach update. This morning I was greeted by 3 tiny baby cockroaches in my bathroom. While the baby ones are most certainly not cute, they aren't really awful either. Easy to squash with a finger and then just throw into the sink. But - where there are three, in the period of like 2 seconds, we know there are many more (hatching?) just waiting to crawl around on my makeup and hairspray and bathroom mirror. And that they will grow into adults if they are not exterminated. Like, right now. Guess it's time to put down some boric acid or something. They always come from the same place - sort of behind the bathroom mirror, maybe from inside the walls?

I left my coffee in there for maybe three minutes (I was in a hurry this morning, and drank my coffee while washing my face and that sort of thing - well, not really at the SAME time as when I was washing my face, that's just silly) and when I came back in to get the coffee, I spotted two more tiny cockroaches in the vicinity of the mirror and then two FLOATING in my coffee. I am glad they are floaters, because it was easy to just scoop them out with the spoon and drink the coffee still.

But then, this morning at work - well, let me backtrack a second - the other morning at work, a huge waterbug ran out from somewhere near my garbage can over to Katie's desk and then underneath a filing cabinet. I wasn't scared, I was just ready to kill the fucker. But we couldn't find it! We kicked at the filing cabinet, moved part of the desk, even slipped paper under there to try to scoop it out. No luck. But I could feel it nearby, waiting...watching...patient...but sort of cocky, too. I knew it'd make a mistake sooner or later and then we'd have our man.

So today, I mention the bugs in my bathroom to Katie. And about 15 minutes later, Thompson states, rather calmly if maybe a bit annoyed, that he felt something on his foot/ankle and when he looked down, there was a cockroach on him! He brushed it off. I asked if it was big and he said, "Yeah, huge!" and he's from the south and therefore he knows bugs and he's not at all scared of them. I knew it was Mr. Unwanted Officemate, thinking he could outwit us again. Well, we went after him, but he scurried under Thompson's desk and over to Dan's desk, and still, we could not catch him. A minute or two later, Dan comes walking by and says he just saw a roach the size of a mouse run into Amelie's office. Thompson takes off after it and a minute later I hear him say, "well, it's dead now" with that cute little southern accent of his. I said, "did you find it?" and he said, "my whole foot is on it" - so it was clearly smushed. He threw it out, and I applauded. Cocky little motherfucker (the roach, not Thompson). Think you can hang around our office and we'll just let that go? No way, you nasty gross thing. Now send your little insect ghost spirit over to my apartment in Bushwick and give those babies a hint of what they're in for if they don't leave my cute and fancy bathroom stuff alone.

Okay, so now that all of this is over and I'm getting back to work (by "work" I mean, of course, not work at all, but internet surfing, crossword puzzles and just general time-wasting) I see this quiz Anya posted, about Which Director Would Direct The Story Of Your Life. I go to the site to take the quiz, and right there on the home page is some cutesy little message about a recent site bug that's been fixed - and this image:

Gross!

Enough with the damn bugs, already!

Also, there was some talk, as there usually is, about why I call them waterbugs, when clearly they are roaches. Well, in NY, that's what a lot of people call them, I swear! However, the majority of my coworkers are not from New York, and like most people, they think of these as waterbugs (since they are) and I recently found out about these and also these (ferocious??), which are nothing short of nightmarish creatures that should not, in my opinion, be allowed to roam the earth even if they are somehow the only living creature preventing the imminent extinction of some species of something somewhere - if that is the case, then I posit we no longer need that species, either. Also mentioned were silverfish (which some people think of as waterbugs, because you tend to find them in your sink or bathtub) and then, because someone thought they looked like silverfish, earwigs. Okay, I'm officially done with bugs today. Ready to move on...to...FREE PIZZA! Which would taste so much better if I wasn't just thinking about roaches, roaches, roaches and not the good kind, either.

And now I can't stop thinking about this which I simultaneously love and hate.

I took it, too, Anya!

Fri, 22 Jun 2007 16:38:00 GMT

And I got Woody Allen, despite skipping the whole question of crushes/dating older men. But I think it's because I grew up in NY. I also sort of grew up in NJ, though, so it's weird - I bet I would get a totally different result if I focused on adolescence rather than childhood.

Your Score: Woody Allen

Your film will be 63% romantic, 41% comedy, 28% complex plot, and a $ 25 million budget.

Be prepared to have your life story shot entirely in New York City -- though lately Woody's been loving shooting in London. Also, your music soundtrack is all jazz from before 1949. Filmography: Annie Hall, Manhattan, Stardust Memories, Everyone Says I Love You, Match Point, Scoop, etc. Woody has released one film per year consistently for the past 35 years. For the past 15 years he's been trying to make films like his older, funnier ones, just like characters in his Stardust Memories film suggest throughout. Regardless of his personal life, his films are American classics.

Link: The Director Who Films Your Life Test written by bingomosquito on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Things I am obsessing about today:

Mon, 02 Apr 2007 13:32:05 GMT

2 Scrabble letters, an E and an S. I had them on a shelf (along with others, spelling out my name) and I moved everything off the shelf in order to paint the wall (haven't done that yet). I put all the letters into one big shopping bag (with all the other stuff from my desk, which I moved into another room) , and when I unpacked that bag and went to put my name back out on a different shelf -- there were the E and the S, gone! I say "ghosts"; Robert says "you mean the cats?" Anyway, it's really sad how much I can obsess about losing/finding small things like this, so that everything will be all right, somehow. It doesn't matter how many times I check and re-check the shopping bag, they are definintely not in there. They wouldn't be hard to spot - the bag is now totally empty. I'll probably only check it like once or twice again before admitting defeat and moving my obsessive thoughts to other places these two tiny wood squares could be.

Also, Francis (the Evil) chewed up the lampshade that belonged to my grandfather (which I put on my new antler lamp) and then knocked it on the ground and it's not really fixable. I mean, maybe a little, but...I don't even know how to repair such a thing. I'd need to put that stitching stuff back in - the part that holds the plastic part to the wire part. See? I can't even explain it! I will check out eBay today for sure. I am so annoyed, though! OOOOOOHHHHH Francis, I outta punch that damn cat. The good thing is that I immediately went to petfinder and finally, finally listed that little demon (and the 2 others) so that I can trick someone else into taking her out of my apartment.

At least the antler lamp didn't break, too.

Happy Halloween!

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 15:57:21 GMT

Which Onion Character Are You?
Well, it's not like I'm doing anything more useful with my time - might as well start posting again...

Hola Amigo. You are Jim Anchower. You like drinking beer and shirking responsibility. You are probably a drain on society.
Take this quiz!

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This is the best thing I have read in a while.

Wed, 15 Feb 2006 15:32:35 GMT

http://www.yaledailynews.com/article.asp?AID=31629

And here is the actual article, in case the link goes down. It was written by some guy at Yale named Carl Williot. My co-worker Chet showed it to me about a week ago, and I flipped out - I wanted to send it to Josh, but he was in Guatemala, so I didn't (I should have though, since it seems like other than the hiking up the volcano part, Josh was still somehow online. Oh well, I guess that's why they call it an addiction), and then I sort of forgot about it. But MAN ALIVE, this is absolutely terrific. Here it is, in full:
-----------------------------------

If you haven't noticed, there's a whole lot going down on the international scene -- I'm talking Chloe Sevigny on Vincent Gallo in "The Brown Bunny" levels. (Or perhaps you prefer "Monica Lewinsky on Bill Clinton.")

Many of us don't understand the implications of a Hamas victory in Palestine, yet we understand the consequences of Marissa Cooper answering her sister's cell phone when Johnny the Surfer calls it on "The O.C."

But maybe if we pretend the characters in "The O.C" are actually countries, then we'll understand what's going on in the world.

Welcome to the I.R., bitch. This is how it's done in International Relations:

The part of Ryan Atwood would be America. The USA is new to the scene, really a touching rags-to-riches story. He's the main character, so the decisions he makes are central to the show. He quickly became a source of power, making him a polarizing figure with the other characters. He may be rich now, but he hasn't lost his street cred -- don't piss off America, because he'll fight you quicker than a drunk, hair-gelled Q-packer at Toad's to prove it. He has a history with France, Iraq and Israel, but we'll meet them later. First we have to meet his mentor, Sandy, a.k.a Great Britain.

Great Britain is wise, he has been around the block. Consequently, he decided to take USA under his wing, even though most of the other parents hate America. Sometimes USA drags him into trouble, but only because Britain is loyal like a dog. He's not like the other parents who think pontification solves everything; he leads by doing. Britain enjoys English ale, but sometimes he'll get a taste of an Irish car bomb.

Seth Cohen is Israel, the Jewish son of Great Britain. America is his best friend and bodyguard, which gets America into lots of trouble because Israel isn't very popular at school. Sometimes America thinks if he were to drop Israel as a friend, many of America's I.R. problems would be gone.

The object of America's affection, Iraq, is Marissa Cooper. For a while, Iraq was stable, at least on the surface. But once she was penetrated by America, everything exploded. Now Iraq is a complete whack job, making everyone and everything around her unstable. She feels that her mom, France, didn't do enough to protect her. The only person who has been by her side this whole time is America, although he is fed up with her antics.

To make matters worse for Iraq, her little sister, Kaitlin Cooper a.k.a. Iran, is just plain awful. There's no other way to put it. It wasn't always this way -- she was tight with America and had a nice sibling rivalry going with Iraq. Then puberty turned her into a raging bitch … no, a bastard. If there were ever a girl that could be called a bastard, it is Iran. Immediately after puberty, she went to war with Iraq and began hating Israel and America because she knows if they aren't around she will wield much more power. Iran is doing everything she can to mess with Iraq, America, Britain, and Israel right now -- because she is socially backwards. Iran should think twice before she continues down this path, though, because in due time she will provoke the wrath of America.

Russia (Johnny the Surfer) felt he could give Iraq things that America couldn't. Unfortunately, he is a lame-ass. The guy brings nothing to the table, so in the battle for Iraq, he lost to America. In fact, he's basically America's bitch. He recently stirred things up by getting fresh with Iraq's sister, completely oblivious that Iran is just using him as a pawn in her devious scheme to rule The I.R.

Summer Roberts is Italy. Italy is the beauty who is always there to help out America and Iraq. On the surface, Italy is very different from Israel -- they have two completely different backgrounds and religions -- but they do have some similarities deep down, which is why they make a good couple.

Kiesten Cohen would be Spain. Spain was very close to Britain, America and Israel, but she went through a rough time -- after getting bombed, she withdrew and quit trying to help America's relationship with Iraq. Spain has been relatively quiet in recent episodes.

Julie Cooper (or France) used to have it all; the Queen of the Parents. Now she lives in a trailer, loathed by all. One thing she hasn't lost, though, is her arrogance. France hates America because he screwed up Iraq. She will do anything to regain her clout, which includes getting closer with people like Iran and Russia. She has also used Spain's recent vulnerability to get closer to her.

Taylor Townsend is Saudi Arabia. America and the gang are sort of forced to be friends with Saudi Arabia, but they haven't forgotten how she backstabbed them. She is probably bipolar -- she'll blow you or blow you away, depending on which Saudi Arabia decides to show up.

Last, but least, we have Canada, originally known as Chilly. Canada is one of the least important characters on the show. His main role is to be the dork everyone laughs at.

I hope this rundown of international relations will help to dispel the "ignorant American" stereotype. (I knew my poli sci major would come in handy some day.)

And if you're wondering where my vast "O.C." knowledge comes from, well, my girlfriend gave me a refresher course. Seriously, I don't Tivo every episode. I don't wish Sandy Cohen was my dad. I don't drink every time someone on the show says "Newport" or every time Seth makes a pop culture reference.

I swear.

I GOT SOMETHING TO SAY!

Wed, 18 Jan 2006 19:24:50 GMT

And it's not, "I killed your baby today!"

It's this:

Dear Jeans Manufacturers of the World:

Enough with the distressing already. Seriously. Stop. Please.

Thank you!
Sincerely,
xoxoxo,
Jessie Dean

And also this:
PS - Check me out! I'm the poster child for psycho crazy! I mean, I kind of already was, but now it's official! Oooooooohh....shiny....

Just a moment of your time, please

Fri, 02 Dec 2005 18:29:30 GMT

From Daily Kitten (thanks to Josh for sending this to me)

Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you....

SUMIKO!!!

THE CUTEST KITTEN IN THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRLLLLLLD!

SAVE ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT!!

Thu, 17 Nov 2005 15:57:43 GMT

Why, why, WHY do they keep trying to ruin my life by canceling this show? Don't they know I have so little? SO LITTLE!! Why must you attempt to destroy me??!!

Please sign the petition to keep FOX from canceling the show (they've reduced this season to 13 episodes, and will not bring it back next season). This worked last time, let's give it another go!

(More about the situation here and here.)

Pete Tunney, the Ides of November, and leather pants

Tue, 15 Nov 2005 18:43:11 GMT

<----- NOTE: REAL Cowboy Pete

You can't fence THIS cowboy in!
Heartbreaking Country Ballad Paralyzes Trucking Industry
NOTE: FAKE Cowboy Pete ------->

Good day, people.

You are all cordially invited to a free Onion event, involving drinking. How odd, you might say. Drinking? At a bar? Onion people? No! But yes.

Ad sales rep/recommender and lender of music/host of The Pete Tunney Hour Pete Tunney will be leaving the Onion soon – not dying, but moving to LA (pretty much the same thing). Today is his LAST DAY at work. And tonight we will go to the Silver Swan for some drinks, from 6-8 p.m.

So metal.
Here’s the info on the Silver Swan (and tonight’s Onion Drinking Society event):

The Silver Swan
40 E. 21st Street
6 train to 23rd
There will be some free beer. And free Onion pint glasses. We will run out of both quickly, but what are you gonna do, right?

And I leave you with this:
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=8335653541

Winning bidder, please wear these pants tonight.

Yours very truly,
Jessie Dean

PS - And now, more of our good buddy Pete.

Air Marshal Stuck In Conversation About Passenger's Patio

And a bit about REAL Cowboy Pete's band, The Fandanglers, and their farewell performance, from noisefootprint's friend's site: Adolescent Love Poetry.

"Everyone is clawing for them, it's ridiculous!"

Thu, 03 Nov 2005 17:11:51 GMT

I cannot begin to imagine the outrage of oatmeal_texas when he notices that the front cover of today's NY Post features NYC's hottest new dog - the PUGGLE!

Here's the article.

For your reading pleasure: More about the Puggle and more about Joshua's obvious ownership of the craze.

All the news that's fit to print!

Wed, 26 Oct 2005 17:25:42 GMT

Well, this has been a topic of some conversation at work lately:

From the New York Times:
-------------------------------------------------------
October 24, 2005

Protecting the Presidential Seal. No Joke.
KATHARINE Q. SEELYE

You might have thought that the White House had enough on its plate late last month, what with its search for a new Supreme Court nominee, the continuing war in Iraq and the C.I.A. leak investigation. But it found time to add another item to its agenda - stopping The Onion, the satirical newspaper, from using the presidential seal.

The newspaper regularly produces a parody of President Bush's weekly radio address on its Web site (www.theonion.com/content/node/40121), where it has a picture of President Bush and the official insignia.

"It has come to my attention that The Onion is using the presidential seal on its Web site," Grant M. Dixton, associate counsel to the president, wrote to The Onion on Sept. 28. (At the time, Mr. Dixton's office was also helping Mr. Bush find a Supreme Court nominee; days later his boss, Harriet E. Miers, was nominated.)

Citing the United States Code, Mr. Dixton wrote that the seal "is not to be used in connection with commercial ventures or products in any way that suggests presidential support or endorsement." Exceptions may be made, he noted, but The Onion had never applied for such an exception.

The Onion was amused. "I'm surprised the president deems it wise to spend taxpayer money for his lawyer to write letters to The Onion," Scott Dikkers, editor in chief, wrote to Mr. Dixton. He suggested the money be used instead for tax breaks for satirists.

More formally, The Onion's lawyers responded that the paper's readers - it prints about 500,000 copies weekly, and three million people read it online - are well aware that The Onion is a joke.

"It is inconceivable that anyone would think that, by using the seal, The Onion intends to 'convey... sponsorship or approval' by the president," wrote Rochelle H. Klaskin, the paper's lawyer, who went on to note that a headline in the current issue made the point: "Bush to Appoint Someone to Be in Charge of Country."

Moreover, she wrote, The Onion and its Web site are free, so the seal is not being used for commercial purposes. That said, The Onion asked that its letter be considered a formal application to use the seal.

No answer yet. But Trent Duffy, a White House spokesman, said that "you can't pick and choose where you want to enforce the rules surrounding the use of official government insignia, whether it's for humor or fraud."

O.K. But just between us, Mr. Duffy, how did they find out about it?

"Despite the seriousness of the Bush White House, more than one Bush staffer reads The Onion and enjoys it thoroughly," he said. "We do have a sense of humor, believe it or not."

There's also something about it on CNN.com. So funny!

You people get it.

Thu, 20 Oct 2005 19:20:08 GMT

Friday night: drinks at Cheap Shots and Beers - no lie about the cheap drinks, plus...AIR HOCKEY. I lost 3 out of 4 games, but man, that game is fun. I want to find a book or video about the secrets of the perfect air hockey game, tricks and secret moves, that sort of thing. Josh and I had fun making up plays, like the Nickelface Bow Wow and the Ol' Hammer Scooter and I can't remember what else. Josh and I also had fun drinking the cheap shots.

Sunday night: Dungen at Bowery Ballroom. Swedish psych-rock...with a flute, even!

Wednesday late night: Robots present KOMPAKT vs AREAL: Superpitcher/ADA/Metope at the Canal Room. I missed Superpitcher altogether, because he didn't go on until 2 a.m. and I left at 1:30. But I did see ADA [1], and I have to say, it was pretty fun, and she is goddamn cute.

Books:
Finished Lighthousekeeping.

Read The Every Boy, which I enjoyed immensely - it was written by Dana Adam Shapiro, a former senior editor at Spin, and also the coproducer and codirector of the documentary Murderball. The back cover had a quote from Amy Sedaris, which was a big draw for me. Anything recommended by either David or Amy Sedaris - sign me up. That, and the jellyfish on the cover. I'm awful fond of jellyfish, too.

Taken at the aquarium last year.

Started Haunted, by Chuck Palahniuk. So far it's quite engaging. The story is about a bunch of writers who go on what they think is a three-month writers' retreat (a three-hour tour?) only to find out that they've been kidnapped. I heard that after taking the The Forum, Chuck Palahalahanaliuk went out, bought a word processor, and wrote his first book [2], thus making it seem like it must have been a positive experience. But then his stories make allusions to the weird, not good, cult-like aspects of that sort of "training." I guess that's the way that stuff is - some of the adages are probably great, and some are probably slightly insane.

Next on my list: Sleeping In Flame, a present from John (it's one of his favorites).

TV:
5 episodes of Undeclared (Rick brought it in for me to borrow, so thanks kindly to him and to the lovely suzyqmartin)

And, of course, The Colbert Report. "Truthiness" is my new favorite word.

Movies:
Wrong Turn
Finding Neverland
Drop Dead Gorgeous

and tonight - THE ONION Film Series Presents (one of my favorites, and I am happy to announce that I now own a poster signed by director Larry Blamire): The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra !

[1] Trivia: Did you know that I have a cat named Ada? Yep, it's true. She's named after the Nabakov book, Ada, or Ardor because of the teenage sex. She was a brazen hussy, 10 months old and pregnant when I found her. She has since denounced her former crack whore ways (read: I had her fixed, and fixed GOOD).

[2] I'm not all the way sure about that, so don't quote me on it. I read an article about The Forum a few years ago in New York Magazine, and I think that was the deal.

Halloween Halloween Halloween Halloween Halloween

Mon, 17 Oct 2005 16:17:25 GMT

Present! Present! I got a present from my friend Sara in the mail on Friday. It's this:

Except without the dog.

And here was the note:

"Dear Jessie,

I miss you. Here is a Halloween costume for one of your many kids. I'm sure it will fit one of them. I tried it on Number Nine [her cat]. He looked good but said he wanted to be a mummy or a robot."

It looks a little small for Rufus - so I guess one of the cats will have to be the target of the torture and humiliation. Ha! I can't wait.

TV Night

Wed, 12 Oct 2005 17:39:20 GMT

For the last couple of weeks I've been watching Freaks and Geeks with some co-workers. We watch at Rick's house, because he lives in the West Village - not far from work, close to the subway, and in the vicinity of just about any kind of take-out we want.

Rick and Suzanne own the super-nice collector's edition of the DVD set - the one with the yearbook. That's some really nice packaging. You know what else is really nice? SETH ROGEN. I am in love with Seth Rogen.

We've also watched 1 episode of Undeclared, which I think I love. The original plan was to get all the way through Freaks and Geeks, 2 episodes a week, and then start in on Undeclared. But I don't know if I'll be able to wait. My vote is that we add in 1 episode of Undeclared (because it's only like 22 minutes!) after the 2 episodes of Freaks and Geeks. The only problem I have with Freaks and Geeks is that it NEEDS MORE SETH ROGEN. I've been assured, though, that there will be an episode basically devoted to his character coming up soon. NO ONE SPOIL IT FOR ME, THOUGH. I don't want to know what the episode's about until I see it.

Who is that handsome, handsome man in the plaid shirt on the left? Could it be, oh, I DON'T KNOW, SETH ROGEN???

We have nothing to fear but fear itself. Oh, and bird flu.

Tue, 11 Oct 2005 21:38:23 GMT

Anyone happen to see the cover of USA Today...today?
Well, if not, here's what you missed:
"BIRD FLU: HOW WORRIED SHOULD YOU BE?"

And then they go on to, you know, talk about bird flu (and Spanish flu, and flu in general, and George W. Bush, and just an array of horrible stuff), and blah blah blah, but really, all they needed to put was:

"VERY."

Fuckin' birds. What a bunch of assholes.

In It To Win It

Mon, 10 Oct 2005 17:11:47 GMT

On Saturday I got a chance to see this documentary by Paul La Blanc and Jordan Katon.

The film focused on Lou Eisenberg (who won $5 million, at that time the biggest jackpot ever, from NY Lotto in 1981), Curtis Sharp (who won $5.6 million in 1982), and the 16 winners from Holdingford, MN (high school food service workers who split a Powerball jackpot of $95 million).

What a great idea for a movie! And then, what a great movie! Every part of it was excellent, not just the interviews/footage of the people, but also the landscapes, cinematography, music (mostly Jelly Roll Morton), really, the whole package. Now there just needs to be a buyer and the film can distributed. I'm not really sure how all of that works. All I know is Paul and Jordan financed the whole thing (about a year in the making), including the fancy Tribeca Grand screening, themselves. Anyone want to buy a movie? I promise it's really good.

Curtis Sharp and Lou "Louie the Lightbulb" Eisenberg

Revisiting some earlier entries...

Mon, 10 Oct 2005 15:39:47 GMT

Has anyone else seen the posters for the VH1 Hip Hop Honors?

The paintings are by Kehinde Wiley (commissioned by VH1), whose work I went to see last year at the Brooklyn Museum of Art.

Also, as an update on this entry about books, here are the ones I finished.

Yellow: Eh.
The Jap Chronicles: What a dumb book. But really, what did I expect?
A Girl Becomes A Comma Like That: Eh.
The Ice Queen: Fairly interesting
The Wonder Spot: Pretty good.
Tadpole's Promise: Ha!
Aloft: This is the first one in the list that really stood out. I was really into Chang Rae-Lee's writing, and I'd like to check out his other books. He is compared to John Updike in the blurbs on the books cover, and I can see that, a little, especially in the parts about American economy, sports, and aging. He has a character in the story named Richie Coniglio, which is Italian for "rabbit" - he points this out in the story. I can't help but think that it's a nod to Rabbit Angstrom (although the Richie character is less Rabbit-like than the main character).
Home Land: This one I really, really liked. It's a strange one, but the writing is hilarious, and really different from most stuff I've read recently.

Then I veered away from these books - I was at a friend's apartment one night over the summer, and he had just finished Gilead by Marilynne Robinson, and he loved it so he lent it to me. This is one of the best books I've read in years. I loved every page of it - her writing is absolutely exquisite, and the story was lovely. Another friend and his wife saw me reading it and suggested that I read Housekeeping, her first book. I remembered that it had been made into a movie starring Christine Laiti, but I didn't remember much of the story. So I read that one, too, and while that one is also great, I still liked Gilead much better.

Next I read Jenny and the Jaws of Life, by Jincy Willett - another new favorite. It has been reprinted with a new foreward by David Sedaris. Really wonderful (not the foreward, the actual stories).

And now I'm almost done with Lighthousekeeping, which is, so far, also really good.

Wow, it's been a long time since I posted anything much, huh? Well, more updates to follow, although they will mostly be about old things, just for the sake of catching up. How are YOU guys?

Oh, The Dill...

Thu, 15 Sep 2005 14:17:01 GMT

Awwww...a story for furboajerboa:

A Lovely Little Column Featuring (a very special part of) the One, The ONLY - Phyllis Diller

I...can't...even.

Fri, 02 Sep 2005 19:10:24 GMT

You guys? Yes, it's Mike D. (coworker, not Beastie Boy)

From the man himself: "Here’s that picture. That day, I learned about the long, painstaking—but ultimately rewarding—process of being a male model."

There's one of him as Elvis Costello (Trust), too, and he's going to try to find the file to send it to me.

And Friend of the Day goes to John for asking me if I'd like to take a book-binding course with him (YES!), burning me a copy of the Erection! Song, pointing out the ad for New Big Wang (restaurant) at 1 Elizabeth, and asking me nicely not to press charges of sexual harassment.

PS - Did I mention the part where we all had to sign something promising not to sexually harass each other? Can you imagine how out of hand it was AFTER we got the policy stuff, but BEFORE anyone signed? I've never heard so many cries of "SHOW ME YOUR PUSSY!" in my life - and directed towards Rick, even!

UPDATE:

It exists! It exists!

Wow. I thought it was maybe a typo. We called the number, but they didn't answer "New Big Wang." So disappointing.

Day Two of Not Smoking

Wed, 31 Aug 2005 17:17:46 GMT

Air is very, very thin. Has anyone else noticed this? It's way too thin. It's missing something.

I want a cigarette so bad right now that I am on the verge of eating my hands. I am absolutely no fun to be around. One could make the argument that I'm rarely any fun to be around, but this is worse.

Self-inflicted torture

Tue, 30 Aug 2005 15:58:00 GMT

Okay, Day One of not smoking cigarettes.

Let's see how crazy this gets...

Private Dancer

Thu, 04 Aug 2005 16:25:27 GMT

I think I'm going to become a notary public. There are a lot of things [1] here at the office that need to be notarized, and while it's not a big deal if I am the one signing them, it's a much bigger hassle when the documents require my boss's signature. Because then I need to schedule a "mobile notary" to come here and it costs big bucks, and I can never seem to find my boss when the person get here.

So if I become a notary public, it has been suggested that we change the downstairs sign so that it reads, right next to the name of the publication on the board in the lobby, "NOTARY PUBLIC" in equally large (if not larger) letters.

Also, I will probably also need a desk nameplate thing, that advertises my service. And some business cards.

[1] Three. Three things.

Mon, 01 Aug 2005 15:26:01 GMT

This is from Pitchfork, from July 19th, I think. I'm not a huge fan of Silkworm or anything, but man alive, this story is just nuts.

Jessica Suarez reports:
Michael Dahlquist, longtime drummer for Silkworm, died Thursday in an auto collision in Skokie, Ill., that also took the lives of Chicago musicians Doug Meis (drummer for Exo and the Dials) and John Glick (guitarist for the Returntables).

The three men were on their lunch break from Shure Inc., a microphone and audio equipment manufacturer, when Jeanette Sliwinski, 23, plowed her Ford Mustang into their car while they were stopped at a red light. According to the Chicago Tribune, Sliwinski was upset after having an argument with her mother, and "wanted to end it all." Her car had gone through multiple red lights and was traveling at over 70 mph when it struck their Honda Civic. All three men died instantly; two others in another vehicle were injured, while Sliwinski received only minor injuries. Sliwinski was charged with three counts of first-degree murder and two counts of aggravated assault, and is being held under guard at the hospital where she is recovering.